just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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