i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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