I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
