stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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