this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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