Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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