Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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