these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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