Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
