he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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