I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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