I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who wears a wallet chain?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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