I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
