oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
