I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
