I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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