I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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