I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
