Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
