why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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