now i know why i became what i already was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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