need another drink. this is the easiest way
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
