the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
