So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
