Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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