i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
