It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
