i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
