omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
