i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
