My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize