anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
