WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
