Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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