he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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