At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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