made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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