Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
