I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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