I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
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Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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