u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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