i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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