I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
