miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
