I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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