Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
