Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.

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  (360): I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/uw52
  Replies (12) Good night (3297) Bad night (916)
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  (818): View more from California

  Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.

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  (818): Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs. http://tfl.nu/c051
  Replies (100) Good night (3123) Bad night (855)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

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  (802): Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water. http://tfl.nu/oebe
  Replies (29) Good night (1477) Bad night (6993)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.

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  (908): Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time. http://tfl.nu/kf31
  Replies (11) Good night (914) Bad night (4371)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

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  (216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e
  Replies (32) Good night (1118) Bad night (4026)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

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  (210): The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him. http://tfl.nu/79ut
  Replies (9) Good night (4946) Bad night (1179)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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  (330): Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her? http://tfl.nu/1j07
  Replies (12) Good night (4317) Bad night (1262)
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  (714): View more from California

  The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.

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  (714): The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow. http://tfl.nu/syuy
  Replies (8) Good night (2729) Bad night (766)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.

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  (208): I think he just made me trade sex for my cat. http://tfl.nu/z4wg
  Replies (6) Good night (1792) Bad night (1019)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing

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  (269): he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing http://tfl.nu/dbp3
  Replies (6) Good night (1303) Bad night (2508)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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  (910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap. http://tfl.nu/jw87
  Replies (4) Good night (1324) Bad night (1068)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth

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  (808): At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth http://tfl.nu/4jaz
  Replies (4) Good night (937) Bad night (421)
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  (925): View more from California

  I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great

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  (925): I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great http://tfl.nu/slai
  Replies (1) Good night (663) Bad night (789)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff

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  (229): I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff http://tfl.nu/s9sx
  Replies (6) Good night (1165) Bad night (270)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success

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  (479): Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success http://tfl.nu/iacd
  Replies (0) Good night (883) Bad night (267)

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