Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis