Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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