he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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