I wanna bring you to show and tell
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
