I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
