Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
