I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
