census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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