Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
