Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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