super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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