Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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