He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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