We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
