k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
