I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
