I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That accounts for only three of the penises
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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