my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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