I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
