i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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