Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
