i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
