either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
