I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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