So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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