I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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