She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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